I am a divorced mother. My ex-husband and I had been married for 3, nearly 4 years before our daughter came. She is so funny, smart, sassy, and acts just like me. I couldn't ask for a better girl. Piper is very tuned in to me and my feelings too. It's hard to believe that she is now only 6 years old. She's a short adult for sure.
I moved back home a when she was 13 months old and she has been flying back and forth from me and her dad ever since. It's usually worked out just fine. She's only been in school for a year and some change now, so, it's time to readjust how we work the holidays. Her dad pays for her airfare to go out there, and that's good for me.
This year, Christmas vacation starts for her one the 22nd of December, and she goes back to school on the 7th of January. She will be going to visit her dad this year for Christmas. She will be gone from the 22nd to the 6th of January.
Now, I'm not usually one to complain about how we do things, I simply say, fine and go with it. I know that Joey doesn't get to see her as much as he would like to. But, to me, that seems a bit more than unfair this time. I asked to be able to have her for at least one day so that I could have a small version of Christmas here with our family as well. And that didn't happen this year. I'm trying to not be upset with this situation, but, I'm more than just a little upset this time. And I want to scream about it and get upset, but, I know that if Piper sees me getting upset about it, she will get upset about it too. Then she will spend her whole vacation that she has thinking that I'm going to be sad... that's not the case. While I love being with her for all of our holidays, I don't mind her going to see her dad. She needs to go see him. He's a part of her as much as she's a part me.
I am angry, however, I will get over it, and we will figure out some sort of a plan to work this all out. It's days like this, that make me glad that I work out regularly and meditate as much as possible. Otherwise I would just be angry all the time... Hooray for mental vacations!
Friday, November 23, 2012
Sunday, November 18, 2012
The Queen
Last night, I had the privilege of watching the movie, The Queen, starring the incomporable Helen Mirren. It was pretty much about the week that the Princess of Wales died in that aweful car crash in Paris in 1997.
So, when this happened, it was the start of my senior year in high school. I remember the day that it happened, but not like it was yesterday. I remember it was all over the news and people everywhere were crying. I thought a great deal about the two Princes, William and Harry. Now, the Prince and the Princess of Wales, had been divorced for about year at this time. I was not into politics or anything like that. I did not understand a great deal of what was going on. In watching this movie, I realized how little I know about damn near everything, and I consider myself to be somewhat educated... Guess it's just not about what is really important. I somehow thought that there was so much that I need to learn now. The history of so many countries, from England to South Africa to India to Russia and China, would be a great thing for me.
Anyhow, back to what I was thinking about. This movie goes through that week for the Royal Family. The Queen reminded me of my grandmother in the way she saw things. They are from a different time. They grew up in the time of war and depressions and they think and act differently than the way that their children think and act. They worked through the second World War in factories and as mechanics. They saw what spreading hate throughout the world did for humanity. They were not full of hate and malice, they just see it differently than we do. The Queen has been brought up to believe that it is her divine right that she is the Queen... Maybe in my next life, I will be born into the aristocracy... Maybe I already had that priviledge.
I watched this movie and thought about what it was like in England at this time. This woman that had died was like a national hero to this country. Ok, she wasn't like a hero, she was a hero. Tony Blair was right, she was the People's Princess. A woman who, from this side of the camera and world, was a person that loved her kids, that fought to feed children in Africa and India. She wanted to have world peace. She was loved my many and truly known by few. I thought that mostly, I wouldn't want to grow up without a mother. I thought a lot about William and Harry in those days. They are younger than me by a few years though, both are adults and living lives that make them happy, or so I would hope at least. I can't imagine what it would be like to be part of a Royal Family and have to do things a certain way simply because we are the Royal Family.
I thought of how hard that week was for a family that had lost a member of their family, though, techinally, she was no longer a part of the family. I wondered if at any point, the Queen had indeed found herself alone for a moment and was able to shed tears over the matter. I had hoped so. I understand that she's not made of stone and her life is and should very well be, private. I hoped that there was some shred of truth to the way she was, not publicly, but privately. She is an amazing woman, who has lived through much of the last century. She has seen wars come and go, her country destroyed and rebuilt. Technology advance from radios and the wire, to cell phones and the ipad. She has lived a life that is seeped in tradition and a family line. She shares a name with and, to me, has been only second to the first Elizabeth. She is a survivor, and she will continue to do so, long after she has left this plane.
So, here's to the Queen, Queen Elizabeth II. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!!! And here's to the family, may they be happy and find love and peace within themselves.
So, when this happened, it was the start of my senior year in high school. I remember the day that it happened, but not like it was yesterday. I remember it was all over the news and people everywhere were crying. I thought a great deal about the two Princes, William and Harry. Now, the Prince and the Princess of Wales, had been divorced for about year at this time. I was not into politics or anything like that. I did not understand a great deal of what was going on. In watching this movie, I realized how little I know about damn near everything, and I consider myself to be somewhat educated... Guess it's just not about what is really important. I somehow thought that there was so much that I need to learn now. The history of so many countries, from England to South Africa to India to Russia and China, would be a great thing for me.
Anyhow, back to what I was thinking about. This movie goes through that week for the Royal Family. The Queen reminded me of my grandmother in the way she saw things. They are from a different time. They grew up in the time of war and depressions and they think and act differently than the way that their children think and act. They worked through the second World War in factories and as mechanics. They saw what spreading hate throughout the world did for humanity. They were not full of hate and malice, they just see it differently than we do. The Queen has been brought up to believe that it is her divine right that she is the Queen... Maybe in my next life, I will be born into the aristocracy... Maybe I already had that priviledge.
I watched this movie and thought about what it was like in England at this time. This woman that had died was like a national hero to this country. Ok, she wasn't like a hero, she was a hero. Tony Blair was right, she was the People's Princess. A woman who, from this side of the camera and world, was a person that loved her kids, that fought to feed children in Africa and India. She wanted to have world peace. She was loved my many and truly known by few. I thought that mostly, I wouldn't want to grow up without a mother. I thought a lot about William and Harry in those days. They are younger than me by a few years though, both are adults and living lives that make them happy, or so I would hope at least. I can't imagine what it would be like to be part of a Royal Family and have to do things a certain way simply because we are the Royal Family.
I thought of how hard that week was for a family that had lost a member of their family, though, techinally, she was no longer a part of the family. I wondered if at any point, the Queen had indeed found herself alone for a moment and was able to shed tears over the matter. I had hoped so. I understand that she's not made of stone and her life is and should very well be, private. I hoped that there was some shred of truth to the way she was, not publicly, but privately. She is an amazing woman, who has lived through much of the last century. She has seen wars come and go, her country destroyed and rebuilt. Technology advance from radios and the wire, to cell phones and the ipad. She has lived a life that is seeped in tradition and a family line. She shares a name with and, to me, has been only second to the first Elizabeth. She is a survivor, and she will continue to do so, long after she has left this plane.
So, here's to the Queen, Queen Elizabeth II. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!!! And here's to the family, may they be happy and find love and peace within themselves.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Monday Morning Glow
This weekend, though very uneventful in the greater scheme of life, was awesome! I spent most of the day with my parents yesterday, and when I got home, around 5 pm, Tomy was doing the dishes and listening to late 80's early 90's rap. I just kinda of chuckled about it and started to help with getting dinner ready. As I begin to cut up the onion, Sir Mix-A-Lot comes on with Baby Got Back. I was laughing as I sang the whole song. Tom looks at me is like, why am I not surprised that you know this song. I told him it was because I liked that song. It was huge when I was in 6th grade... He seems to hate it when we talk about when music came out because he is 9 years my senior, and for to say that I was in 6th grade, he was out of high school at that point. :)
We made dinner and laughed and watched videos from that time period, and the more I watched this, I realized that the dance video workouts that are so popular now, are really dance moves from Ice Ice Baby. It's true, watch some of these videos and you will see it too. I thought I was going to hurt myself from laughing at the irony of it all.
Tomy likes the fact that I can dance to this music too. It's not like it's so difficult. Just listen to the beat and the music, and let it flow through your body. Guess I just like shake it. I don't really think that I"m that great at it, but, he thinks so, so, I guess I will just take his word for it. We danced in the kitchen a lot last night. Every time that Piper would come in the kitchen for something, she was like, ewww, that's gross! Go to your room! She was pretty funny, and just frozen to the computer screen when she was with us watching the videos. The more we danced, the more we kissed and then the more I just wanted to get Piper into bed, so we could have our grown-up time, alone.
Got Piper into bed a bit after 8. It's a holiday today, why not let her stay up a little late? I then did my workout, no, it's not a dance routine... actual weight lifting and cardio. Took a nice hot shower, made an awesome fruit smoothie afterwards. I was set to get into bed and relax for a awhile. Got into bed, and discovered that the DVD player is not working... Must have been something that Piper pushed while she was watching movies in our room. So, we turn to the PS2. Thank god that thing still works and runs like a champ.
It was Boondock Saints night. I love that movie, so funny to watch. I especially like the part where at eh very end of the movie, you see the news broadcast stuff and one person is like, next thing you know, kids will be having posters of the these guys in their rooms.. I look up and see that I have two posters of these guys in our room. Between them, rests a Japanese symbol for Peace... Ironic really.
It was a great night. Stayed up way too late, and I love every minute of it. Tomy is just, WOW! Makes my blush thinking of it really.
So this morning, I get up to get ready for work. It's Veteran's Day so Piper and Tom have the day off. And I look in the mirror after getting to the bathroom, and I notice that my whole face and skin are glowing. It was awesome. And I put my contacts in, brushed my teeth, took a hot shower and finish getting ready for work. Got to work, put my hair up for my first massage, and I look in the mirror at work, and again, I see that I am glowing. And my skin looks amazing! Clear and bright, and super pale, but, that part is a normal thing.
Why can't we do pictures this morning? I look awesome and my skin looks amazing, and my muscles are becoming more and more defined. It's such a great feeling. I have to say that without my double workout it probably wouldn't be that obvious, but, WOW!
And, I think it's important to note that I am a bit of a narcissist in that if I see a mirror, I have to stop and stare at myself. When I worked at a salon, I couldn't talk to my friend, because I was always looking in the mirror at myself. Mirrors, while they are the devil, are so reveling, both good and bad. I sometime see what Tomy sees and that makes me really happy. Other times, all I see are the flaws that I think I have. Thankfully, today is not one of those day!! Today, it's just a Monday Morning Glow!
We made dinner and laughed and watched videos from that time period, and the more I watched this, I realized that the dance video workouts that are so popular now, are really dance moves from Ice Ice Baby. It's true, watch some of these videos and you will see it too. I thought I was going to hurt myself from laughing at the irony of it all.
Tomy likes the fact that I can dance to this music too. It's not like it's so difficult. Just listen to the beat and the music, and let it flow through your body. Guess I just like shake it. I don't really think that I"m that great at it, but, he thinks so, so, I guess I will just take his word for it. We danced in the kitchen a lot last night. Every time that Piper would come in the kitchen for something, she was like, ewww, that's gross! Go to your room! She was pretty funny, and just frozen to the computer screen when she was with us watching the videos. The more we danced, the more we kissed and then the more I just wanted to get Piper into bed, so we could have our grown-up time, alone.
Got Piper into bed a bit after 8. It's a holiday today, why not let her stay up a little late? I then did my workout, no, it's not a dance routine... actual weight lifting and cardio. Took a nice hot shower, made an awesome fruit smoothie afterwards. I was set to get into bed and relax for a awhile. Got into bed, and discovered that the DVD player is not working... Must have been something that Piper pushed while she was watching movies in our room. So, we turn to the PS2. Thank god that thing still works and runs like a champ.
It was Boondock Saints night. I love that movie, so funny to watch. I especially like the part where at eh very end of the movie, you see the news broadcast stuff and one person is like, next thing you know, kids will be having posters of the these guys in their rooms.. I look up and see that I have two posters of these guys in our room. Between them, rests a Japanese symbol for Peace... Ironic really.
It was a great night. Stayed up way too late, and I love every minute of it. Tomy is just, WOW! Makes my blush thinking of it really.
So this morning, I get up to get ready for work. It's Veteran's Day so Piper and Tom have the day off. And I look in the mirror after getting to the bathroom, and I notice that my whole face and skin are glowing. It was awesome. And I put my contacts in, brushed my teeth, took a hot shower and finish getting ready for work. Got to work, put my hair up for my first massage, and I look in the mirror at work, and again, I see that I am glowing. And my skin looks amazing! Clear and bright, and super pale, but, that part is a normal thing.
Why can't we do pictures this morning? I look awesome and my skin looks amazing, and my muscles are becoming more and more defined. It's such a great feeling. I have to say that without my double workout it probably wouldn't be that obvious, but, WOW!
And, I think it's important to note that I am a bit of a narcissist in that if I see a mirror, I have to stop and stare at myself. When I worked at a salon, I couldn't talk to my friend, because I was always looking in the mirror at myself. Mirrors, while they are the devil, are so reveling, both good and bad. I sometime see what Tomy sees and that makes me really happy. Other times, all I see are the flaws that I think I have. Thankfully, today is not one of those day!! Today, it's just a Monday Morning Glow!
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Saturday Nights
Saturday nights used to be a time when I would spend my night seeing how many drinks it would take to get me totally drunk. Now, I spend my nights with my sweet little girl who is 6 years old and my boyfriend. Tonight, we are watching Galaxy Quest and eating Mexican food... my personal favorite. Tomy is now on the couch snoring, but, I think of it as he's getting a nap for later. I intend on keeping him up a little late :)
I sometimes think of how I got to this place in life. It used to be much different, before Piper and Thomas and Kelsie. Before I liked myself and before I liked life. I used to spend my nights drinking as heavily as possible, and seeing if I could pick up any willing male to sleep with. It was a life that I was not proud of, but, I was young and having so much fun at the time. And then, after about 6 months of drinking and partying, the money was running out and my friend had a boyfriend and the guy I was sleeping with at the time was no longer interested. So, I decided that in order for me to get out while I was still somewhat ahead, I joined the
It was a great time in life for me. I was learning so much, and I really didn't drink for the first part of the time that I was in. I didn't have my phase three liberty until I was in the Navy for at least 4 months, I think... it was 2 + months of boot camp, and then another month of common Core... so ok, maybe three months. And even when I did drink, it wasn't like I would spend the whole weekend drunk.. Just, like most of it.
When I got to my first ship, I drank like a fish. It was amazing the amount of alcohol I consumed!! All I can really say is that I'm glad that part of life is done! Now I just drink to have a nice glass of wine with dinner.
I don't miss the drinking or the drugs, I don't miss that lifestyle, but, I don't regret it either. I can look back at my 20's and say wow, what a wild ride. It was great to be old enough to know better and young enough not to care at all.
This Saturday night, we ate some good food, watched a funny movie and watched videos on YouTube. From drinking and blacking out to telling Shorty to go brush her teeth and the tooth fairy, I would say life is so much more rewarding and happy now. I am loving my 30's. Can't wait to see what the next year will bring... maybe my best yet. So much going on for me, so much to look forward to. The best is yet to come!!
Friday, November 9, 2012
Feeling the Angst
Yesterday morning I go up feeling like I could sleep for a lot longer than what I did. thinking that Tom was going to get up with me, I had every intention of getting the dishes done, getting Piper ready for school, getting myself ready and getting the rent paid. Seems like a lot, but, really, it wasn't all that much to do. Instead, it did not happen that way, and then it put me in a mood where I just wanted to spit nails at someone. Overall it was a good day at work, two new clients (which is always nice to see and meet new people and hopefully help them to feel better), had a good lunch, ate way to much beef. But, on the drive home, I found myself not wanting to feel like that anymore. I couldn't find anything to listen to make me feel better, I had listened to 90's dance music, 70's music, Indian music, even stuff that the Dali Lama listens to, and nothing would help. I turned the radio down and started to talk to myself. I don't think I had done my affirmations that morning, so I had to do them at night before I got home. I don't like going home and acting like a shit to Piper, she and Tomy deserve better of me.
I had been thinking that I need a sign that things are going to get better. By this time, I was nearly home and the radio was on. I was calming down when, all of the sudden, I hear those first chords of George Michael's Faith. I smiled, OK, I have to have faith. After that, the evening was better than I thought it would be. So now, I think that's my sign. I have made Faith my new theme song for the weekend... I shall put it on my ipod and blast it all day long.. besides, George Michael was great to listen to. My second favorite song was Freedom... Love that voice!
I'm still feeling that Angst-ish feeling... Restless and moody. I hate that. I would like to say it has to do with the weather, but, it seems like a cop out to say that. I just need something.. but what?
I had been thinking that I need a sign that things are going to get better. By this time, I was nearly home and the radio was on. I was calming down when, all of the sudden, I hear those first chords of George Michael's Faith. I smiled, OK, I have to have faith. After that, the evening was better than I thought it would be. So now, I think that's my sign. I have made Faith my new theme song for the weekend... I shall put it on my ipod and blast it all day long.. besides, George Michael was great to listen to. My second favorite song was Freedom... Love that voice!
I'm still feeling that Angst-ish feeling... Restless and moody. I hate that. I would like to say it has to do with the weather, but, it seems like a cop out to say that. I just need something.. but what?
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Wednesdays
So there I was, driving to work, and it occurs to me that it's the day after the election, and I will still be hit with all of the political bullshit surrounding the presidential election... UGH!!! I am so sick of hearing this shit all the time. If I vote for one, then I am stupid, if I vote for the other, then I'm a real American... Really? What is that shit about? I am so lucky to live in a county that has the freedom to choose who is going to lead us, that I can say what I want about either side, that I can practice any faith or religion that I wish to. Why has this campaign split so many people though? I have heard so many reasons, it's just ridiculous.
I don't think that we are going to collapse as an economy or a country simply because our President is Muslim. That is his RIGHT as an AMERICAN CITIZEN to worship any one, thing, or God that he wishes to. And really, if the God-fearing Christians would ever learn to do some research on Islam, it's very peaceful, it worships one God, the Virgin Mary, and follows the Old Testament... wow... so do the Catholics, though, I wouldn't really say that Catholics are a peaceful group of people. Who started the Inquisition again? To rid the world of Jews... sound familiar... anyone... and witches... so really Jews and women... sounds peaceful. and in the name of the Church, it was OK to kill a Muslim, no wonder they aren't really drinking buddies with the rest of the Christian people of the world... Usually when one group of people try to eradicate another group, we call that genocide, and it's not really looked very favorable upon. Hilter did not leave a happy spot on the world, but there were more before him that are completely overlooked.
Sorry, off on a tangent there... And then, I kept driving, behind the slowest moving vehicle this morning, and then I was glad that the election part of everything was over. I keep thinking that I'm going to put something up on facebook that says I will give you a week or so to continue to bitch about the election not turning out the way that you want it to. But, in years before, the person that I voted for did not win, and I still got behind our President, because that is what we need to do. That's not the case here, I voted for Obama. It was a super close race, and now it's over. I was sad when John McCain lost, but, because the people spoke and the majority that can and did vote, put someone that I didn't agree with in the White House, I got behind our man, because he's our guy... Right wrong or otherwise, it's important for us to now, get over the differences of our political parties and get some work done! I have my own ideas which, I will be outlining at some time here on how I think we could create a better world for you and me and our children and our children's children to live in.
It's a half day for me today... I like Wednesdays and Fridays for that reason... Time alone, time to get some things done for me. Like a nap :) Or a massage... oh that sounds so nice. No thoughts of politics today, maybe I will think about that tomorrow, or the next day...
The tooth fairy came to our house last night. For my daughter's third tooth. She left hair ties and the good white erasers for school... what a nice tooth fairy.
We live in an everchanging world that continues to grow and evolve around us. We have much to do and be and see and everyone has the potential for greatness. What a great time to be alive!! That's not to say that bad things don't happen, you can't stop bad things from happening. You can choose how you react to them and overcome them. Life is a series of events, bad judgements, good days, bad days, hurt, sorrow, love, excitment, joy, you name it, it's there. Today, I chose to have a great day, live in the moment, look forward to the future, and smile.... and maybe eat some Chinese food for brunch :)
I don't think that we are going to collapse as an economy or a country simply because our President is Muslim. That is his RIGHT as an AMERICAN CITIZEN to worship any one, thing, or God that he wishes to. And really, if the God-fearing Christians would ever learn to do some research on Islam, it's very peaceful, it worships one God, the Virgin Mary, and follows the Old Testament... wow... so do the Catholics, though, I wouldn't really say that Catholics are a peaceful group of people. Who started the Inquisition again? To rid the world of Jews... sound familiar... anyone... and witches... so really Jews and women... sounds peaceful. and in the name of the Church, it was OK to kill a Muslim, no wonder they aren't really drinking buddies with the rest of the Christian people of the world... Usually when one group of people try to eradicate another group, we call that genocide, and it's not really looked very favorable upon. Hilter did not leave a happy spot on the world, but there were more before him that are completely overlooked.
Sorry, off on a tangent there... And then, I kept driving, behind the slowest moving vehicle this morning, and then I was glad that the election part of everything was over. I keep thinking that I'm going to put something up on facebook that says I will give you a week or so to continue to bitch about the election not turning out the way that you want it to. But, in years before, the person that I voted for did not win, and I still got behind our President, because that is what we need to do. That's not the case here, I voted for Obama. It was a super close race, and now it's over. I was sad when John McCain lost, but, because the people spoke and the majority that can and did vote, put someone that I didn't agree with in the White House, I got behind our man, because he's our guy... Right wrong or otherwise, it's important for us to now, get over the differences of our political parties and get some work done! I have my own ideas which, I will be outlining at some time here on how I think we could create a better world for you and me and our children and our children's children to live in.
It's a half day for me today... I like Wednesdays and Fridays for that reason... Time alone, time to get some things done for me. Like a nap :) Or a massage... oh that sounds so nice. No thoughts of politics today, maybe I will think about that tomorrow, or the next day...
The tooth fairy came to our house last night. For my daughter's third tooth. She left hair ties and the good white erasers for school... what a nice tooth fairy.
We live in an everchanging world that continues to grow and evolve around us. We have much to do and be and see and everyone has the potential for greatness. What a great time to be alive!! That's not to say that bad things don't happen, you can't stop bad things from happening. You can choose how you react to them and overcome them. Life is a series of events, bad judgements, good days, bad days, hurt, sorrow, love, excitment, joy, you name it, it's there. Today, I chose to have a great day, live in the moment, look forward to the future, and smile.... and maybe eat some Chinese food for brunch :)
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